Oklahoma Lawmaker Defends "Spilled Semen" Amendment

hypothetically musing: if the satirical amendment became law, how would it be enforced?

Well it would outlaw masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, pearl necklaces, ejaculating on a womans face and most of all, any homosexual activity (it would probably outlaw lesbianism too because there the woman isn't making her vagina an available receptacle). I mean, could it get any better for the radical right?

They should be jumping for joy about this amendment.

This nation is overrun with spermicidal manics! It's genocide.

"What's good for the goose, is good for the gander."

Haha it's basically throwing the whole birth at conception view out the window. If they want to say life begins at conception why not say it starts at ejaculation. One can't happen withoput the other. Good play representative.

Jonathan-1917156

Well it would outlaw masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, pearl necklaces, ejaculating on a womans face and most of all, any homosexual activity (it would probably outlaw lesbianism too because there the woman isn't making her vagina an available receptacle). I mean, could it get any better for the radical right?

again, who would enforce a law against this behavior and how would the law be enforced? I think that we might both agree 'small' government would have to have a large bedroom corps of police for enforcement.

HappyToSeeYa

hypothetically musing: if the satirical amendment became law, how would it be enforced?

With a firm hand, undoubtedly...

Simple. Neighborhood watch programs already exist; appoint highly skilled peeping toms as leaders then make curtains illegal.

If this passes can you imagine the additional pressure placed on teenage boys? They would be unable to get a good night's sleep! Also would they be required to turn themselves in if they did experience nocturnal emmissions? I think bed sheets would start to go missing.

Way to go Senator Johnson! You've trumped the absurdity. Unfortunately, I am certain that several of the "Parenthood" Nazis will try to adopt it and make it their own ("Why didn't we think of that?").

if the satirical amendment became law, how would it be enforced?

Cum cops?? "Citizen! Get your hands where I can see them!!"

"Oh geez, we got here too late. Call the morgue. Oh, the humanity."

"Someone get a sponge, maybe we can still save them!!"

"Damn you! That's a Today sponge!!"

"Rookies..."

This nation is overrun with spermicidal manics! It's genocide.

LMAO!!

But I'm glad to see Sen. Johnson doing this. For quite some time now I've said the same thing - that if life is sacred and abortion needs to be outlawed, than so does male masturbation. Nobody can deny that sperm cells carry human DNA, are living, and are somehow intelligent enough to know they have to swim to and penetrate an egg. Killing off sperm cells through masturbation or sodomy denies potential life. And if a person is religious, they are denying "God" the right to decide whether a particular sperm cell gets to live.

If women's reproductive choices are to be denied, so should men's.

I guess all this amendment would leave is: git it up, git it in, git it off, git it out, git your pants on and git on with your life.

But, Constance Johnson deserves a huge vote up for at least pointing out the hypocrisy of Kochsucking Oklahoma.

Well I agree... I mean that is in the bible... Masturbation is a sin against god.. If this idiots want to be technical then "spilling seed" is as bad or worse than an abortion. it should be fought with the same zeal that these idiots fight abortion. But they won't do that as it would actually put responsibility on the man and they wouldn't be able to get BJ's any longer...

if the satirical amendment became law, how would it be enforced?

The same way all of the GOP's moronic "No Lawyer left Behind" laws will be - they won't be after all of the legal battles are over. Meanwhile, a few Republican lawyers are going to be very wealthy trying to defend all their ignorant bull@!$%# in court.

More women voted than men in the last election - the GOP has royally @!$%#ed themselves after the past 2 years of their Christian Jihad against women.

again, who would enforce a law against this behavior and how would the law be enforced? I think that we might both agree 'small' government would have to have a large bedroom corps of police for enforcement.

It wouldn't be easy, but it also wouldn't be impossible. The first and most obvious thing to do is outlaw porn as contribution to masturbation (spilling seed). It's no worse than outlawing drug paraphernalia like bongs; just classify porn as masturbatory paraphernalia, the possession of which gets the same kind of punishment that possessing drug paraphernalia does. Aside from that, you'd need photographic evidence or a confession by a male that he engaged in illicit behavior in order to prosecute. And of course if DNA "evidence" is found (in a hotel/motel room, movie theater, etc.) and traced to a man, that's surefire evidence of spilling seed.

Pretty sick and draconian, eh? Well, no more sick and draconian than telling a woman what to do with HER body.

HappyToSeeYou.

Glad to see that sarcasm is just totally lost on you.

Wow, last month Oklahoma had to propose a law outlawing aborted fetuses in the food supply, and this month they had to propose a law outlawing the casual murder of unborn babies by their men. Oklahoma sounds like a regular den of inequity.

"EV-ery sperm is SAC-red! EV-ery sperm is good! IF a sperm is wast-ed, GOD get's quite irate!"

( angelic lyrics sung by Charles Dickins inspired children characters in 'The Meaning of Life' by Monty Python )

"I'd be guilty of the mass murder of hundreds of millions of "potential" humans in my day."

You're like 100?

Jonathan-1917156

HappyToSeeYou.

Glad to see that sarcasm is just totally lost on you.

Instead of other folks taking a negative swipe at my comments, they are having fun with the sexual innuendo of it all. Lighten up and join in on the fun!

Happy,

I was kind of wondering if I read you comment wrong after reading the reaction; seems my first impression was correct. Playing along is good. Have a good weekend.

Glo25420

Wow, last month Oklahoma had to propose a law outlawing aborted fetuses in the food supply, and this month they had to propose a law outlawing the casual murder of unborn babies by their men. Oklahoma sounds like a regular den of inequity.

Glo, you seemed to have missed the point of the article. Being a resident of Oklahoma, I'm glad there are politicians here willing to stand up to the hypocrisy of Republicans in power more concerened with imposing their religious beliefs on us rather than fix the issues they were elected to fix.

Maybe I should finally discard that old towel I've been using for self gratification.

It's so laced with sperm corpses that it stands on it's own.

Is it more like a casket, a death shroud or just a old towel?

Monty Python, the font of all wisdom.

"EV-ery sperm is SAC-red! EV-ery sperm is good! IF a sperm is wast-ed, GOD get's quite irate!"

( angelic lyrics sung by Charles Dickins inspired children characters in 'The Meaning of Life' by Monty Python )

5!
#1.22

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gk4Ntcq5uNg

I hope this amendment remains as satirical. If not then they are promoting severe oppression against their male citizens that is obviously as equal as the oppression felt by female citizens. If this is satirical then it is good for conversation but if it is not then we can't fight oppression with more oppression. Of course all laws that violate any citizen's right to control his/her own body is a violation of that person's freedoms and the government has no right to pass laws that undermine this freedom.

Personhood USA, a Colorado-based Christian organization, hopes to get more "personhood" laws placed on several more state ballots this year.

Why I am not surprised?? Christians oppressing people again.

The first and most obvious thing to do is outlaw porn as contribution to masturbation

Of course. Continuously layering oppression on oppression. A layered cake of tyranny.

I'd be guilty of the mass murder of hundreds of millions of "potential" humans in my day.

You mean in a day. The average male holds 100 million sperm.

If not then they are promoting severe oppression against their male citizens that is obviously as equal as the oppression felt by female citizens.

Er um, that's the point.

It's not satirical as much as it is cynical.

It's not satirical as much as it is cynical.

The article said "satirical".

I would think that the article is mislabeling it, but hey, this is the united states, we aren't to bright down here.

I am not too bright so the distinction between satirical and cynical is probably real but I am to insensitive two it.:)

Jon Stewart is Satire, FoxNews is cynical.

"Law of unintended consequences":

This will mean all gay men are guilty of violating this amendment. I could see the OK Republicans passing it for specifically that reason.

if the satirical amendment became law, how would it be enforced?

I guess the same way they thought they could enforce sodomy laws

DisplayName0

Happy,

I was kind of wondering if I read you comment wrong after reading the reaction; seems my first impression was correct. Playing along is good. Have a good weekend.

Thank you, DisplayName0!

how would it be enforced?

They would have to start a new task force obviously ;) So there's the CIA, FBI, DEA and now the EIA....

Ejaculatory Infanticide Agency.

Fighting the war against incorrectly used semen.

It makes perfect right wing logic. Wikipedia 'homunculus.'

These idiots believe the complete human is carried in the sperm, and the egg is merely nourishment to let it grow.

Which explains the patent debasement of women and their rights. She is a vessel, nothing more.

Oh. And gawd chose each sperm individually. And allocated them to specific testicles.

So every sperm is sacred once it touches vagina. Because gawd might have a sperm locked and loaded for that egg. And its not up to a vessel to contradict gawd's will for that sperm. (which contains a perfectly formed human. Just REALLY tiny.)

It's not sacred if no vagina is involved. If gawd's sperm is ready, its your duty to plant it.

I am NOT making this up. Quiverful and its ilk use that concept as their dogmatic mandate.

See? It all makes perfect sense!

So.....I wonder what the sentence would be for a million charges of wrongful pre-conceptual death....

Or maybe they'd levy the punishment on terminating just that one lucky little swimmer.

Seriously, though, I wonder how long before some ill-bred GOP suggests our reintroduction to the chastity belt, locked, with Congress' having the only key to unlock it, dealt out only after the marriage certificate was signed.

Ejaculatory Infanticide Agency.

Fighting the war against incorrectly used semen.

Oops...forgot to add EIA's tagline...

We're cummin' for you :).

Happy,

hypothetically musing: if the satirical amendment became law, how would it be enforced?

Reminds me of the old joke:

An elderly man is accompanied by his wife at a doctors visit. The doctor tells the man he needs a semen, urine, and fecal sample. The old man is hard of hearing and turns to his wife to ask what the doctor said. The wife replies -

He said he needs your underpants.

As for the amendment, fantastic move. It is time these idiots suffered the consequences of their actions.

Somebody needs to get in touch with the Westboro Baptist Church; they're going to be some busy beavers with all these semen funerals.

“With Oklahoma’s new, never-before-experienced Republican majority, we are seeing enactment of more and more measures that adversely affect women and their rights to access safe medical procedures when making reproductive healthcare decisions. ”

Is it any wonder these nutbags want laws like this. The TeaNutters in Oklahoma and Kansas are racing to the bottom of the heap with LACK OF INTELLIGENCE.

No wonder they refuse to believe in evolution, they are going backwards in intelligence. They probably believe 'creationism' means going backwards. No wonder they claim that Jesus rode dinosaurs. What would God think about people going backwards.

Geez, stupitity in running full speed ahead in the bible-belt.

How many beavers are in the Westboro Baptist Church?
And are they au naturel or petite trimmed?
Just curious...

Capt,

Ever seen hitler's mustache? Kind of like that.

Come down, folks. Some of you seem to be getting rubbed the wrong way.

Oops. I meant "calm down." Freudian slip. My bad.

Isn't Oklahoma (with the wind whistling down the plain) the home of Rectal Roberts University and correspondence law school?

That would be the first potential Freudian slip that could possibly result in many "potential people" deaths...you're an evil one /s

This will mean all gay men are guilty of violating this amendment. I could see the OK Republicans passing it for specifically that reason.

But you have to keep in mind there are a whole lot of rethugliCONs who are closeted gays. linsey graham and icky ricky santorium come across as 2 but we can probably come up with a few hundred others.....

And condoms will be banned......but will diaphrams. Says the sperm must be in a woman's vagina but she can use protection. Personally I would prefeer the penis shhredding female condoms used in Africa. Especially if the male is a gNOp!

I guess its now time to retire that age old expression, you know the one about a bird in the hand being worth 2 in the bush.

Well it would outlaw masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, pearl necklaces, ejaculating on a womans face and most of all, any homosexual activity

Haaaaa........Jonathan: That comment was great!

Unfukken believable, one bill that will have an impact on many people, including men.

WTF is wrong with out country? Women, you better watch out, they are coming for you, and this only goes to show that government only views women as baby makers with no rights.

This is really going to put a big dent in the PORN, lube, flesh-light, and adult entertainment industry. No mo lap dances fer da dudes anymo at parties.

REVOLUTION 2012

Senator Constance Johnson

Another biology-ignorant Democrat. She makes the case for humans evolving into monkeys.

She makes more sense than the ignorant republican that tabled the original legislation.

Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich will never support this. In fact there will need to be emergency shipments of saltpeter to the capitol building in Washington D.C. if this goes federal.

guess littleboy has lots to fear from that legislation. Hmmmmmmm.

Oklahoma Lawmaker Defends "Spilled Semen" Amendment

Maybe Saintorum can collect the spilled samples and sample them to see who they belong to.

bwahahahahahahahaha

Holly Crap on a cracker! I proposed something similar in a Contraceptive Rant on another thread!

amazing the insanity... of all the things they should be doing and could be doing this is what WE THE PEOPLE pay our government officials to do?

amazing the insanity... of all the things they should be doing and could be doing this is what WE THE PEOPLE pay our government officials to do

So you are fine with the original ignorant, regressive, womens rights removing legislation, yet you are against someone showing just how ignorant, regressive, womens rights removing the legislation actually is.

WOW!!!!

Amazing isn't it Jonathan? Never ceases to depress.

Personally I am always about balance, nothing too onerous on either side, This amendment just adds balance to an idiotic law. WOOT!!!

Jonathan & Tim S:

NO that was NOT the part I was replying to… what I was addressing is the headline “Oklahoma Lawmaker Defends "Spilled Semen" Amendment”.

But it’s so nice to know people will continue to read into comments things simply not there! Typical for Viner’s!

yeah, and the 'spilled semen' amendment is an amendment to a bill that tries to outlaw a legal procedure by making anyone getting an abortion a murderer. So my comment stands. I knew EXACTLY what you were referring to. So if the original IGNORANT law wasn't tabled, there would have been no need for this person to come up with an equally ignorant amendment on the other side of the issue.

As does mine. It is wishful delusion to think this amendment was thought of in a vacuum instead of as a direct insult to the bill that existed at the time and to which it was an amendment. It was an in your face "@!$%# you" to the legislators that proposed the original bill. Nothing more, nothing less.

But it is so nice to see viner's take things out of context to further their political agenda and sex based bigotry. I guess it is okay to pass laws to control women's bodies, but unacceptable to apply equally intrusive and oppressive laws to men.

Tim

we have gotten into some pretty heated arguments at times, but in this example, I am in 1000% complete agreement. It is sad what is happening in the nation today.

we have gotten into some pretty heated arguments at times

To me most of those discussions have been more over nuance than fundamental differences. That is my perspective, anyway. And yes we both can be passionate over those nuances. (That is why you are blue to me)

On this we are in 1000% agreement at all levels.